Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
