is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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