also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
