i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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