I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
