I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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