I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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