I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize