I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
