I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
