Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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