Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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