i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
