I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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