It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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