3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
