Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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