Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
