i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
