if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize