I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
