Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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