apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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