I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
