It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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