im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
