on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
