Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
