You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
