i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize