found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
