your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
