you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We are two peas in an std pod
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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