He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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