Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
