I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
