Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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