so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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