Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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