Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
