Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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