Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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