Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
