I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
