you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
