I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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