you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
