I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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