so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
