Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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