the condom got lost in my hair
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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