Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
