I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize