billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
