Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize