Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
