New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
