I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
