I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
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Do I have a choice?
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All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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