I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize