What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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