This is not my ceiling
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
