You smell like stripper and shame
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were trust falling into bushes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize