you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
