I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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