i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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