I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
