hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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