I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The air was thick with penises
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
