the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
