Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
