Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
