let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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