but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
