I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The beer is more important than you right now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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