I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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