I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
