my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
