the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think my fart just growled at me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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