I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
